Emmett hunts a haggis
by Rachelxslytherin
Summary: this is a one shot where emmett decides to try something out and ends up getting dreadfully humiliated in the end : oh and of course he strings Jasper along with him too.


**This is my first one-shot. Hope you like it.**

Emmett hunts for haggis

**Em P.O.V**

"but WHY won't you let me watch any tv?" I looked up at alice and pulled my best *i am an angel look *

"it's not going to work and because while the others are hunting i'm in charge."

that still didn't explain why I wasn't allowed tv. Normally I, being the awesome ever-powerful emmett, would've just fought for the remote, but I had a feeling jasper would not have liked that.

"oh and it's because YOU RUINED MY NEW SHOES YOU STUPID ( beeped out) VAMPIRE!!!"

ohhh yeah. That was fun.

"FINE!"

I slammed the door behind me and went in search of jasper.

********

"you're bored"

"i know"

"why don't you try reading a book?"

I, the awesome supreme being of emmett cullen did not participate in 'reading books.' far too weak and un-manly. Yeah like edward. He reads.

"why are you standing there with an amused look on your face?.... wait I don't wanna even know."

He got up and left the room.

Besides, where the heck would I find a book? And what kind of a stupid person comes up with 'read a book '. it's dull and boring.

AHA! Carlisle had books. And a book I shall soon have!

I made my way across the hall humming the mission impossible theme tune (stopping briefly to acknowledge Alice looking at me as if I was insane........) ( stopping briefly as Alice renewed her knowledge of my insanity – much better) and eventually made it to his office. I slid inside the and creeped around. There were thousands of books in here. Darn.

It was then I wondered how people went about picking a book. I settled on eenie meenie.

This looked promising. I took a blue book entitled 'Scotland and its culture' and began to read.

I got to a part where it talked about haggis. What the heck was a haggis? Whatever it was they ate it. All the time. And the men wore skirts too that were all sorts of pretty colours. Ooohhh! I could buy one for alice. Nah she'd probably burn it. I'd get it for jasper instead. Yeah! Maybe he knew what a haggis was.

*****

**Jaspers P.O.V**

Ooof! I had turned the corner to find emmet crashing into me.

"HEY JASPER!"

"Emmet we're vampires I can hear you clearly when you whisper."

"oh yeah. Whats a haggis?"

"what?"

"a haggis. The scottish skirt wearing men eat them ."

I grabbed the book out of his hands. Sure enough there was something called a haggis but I had no idea what it was.

"wait till Carlisle gets back and ask him."

"oh but Jasper I wanna know now!"

I looked at my currently pathetic bro and decided to consult my logic. This thing whatever it was, seemed to be eaten which meant it was to do with humans. And what did we do whenever we had any human queries..... we asked bella's dad. I whipped out my cellphone and dialed his number.

"hey whatcha doing that for and who are you phoning? Is it the haggis people?" I motioned for him to shut up as his excitement grew at the thought of 'the haggis people.'

"hey charlie, it's jasper. What's a haggis?"

"oh they're a type of bird that the Scottish eat. Yeah, I recall it runs around the mountains 'cause its flightless you see."

"thanks charlie bye."

I turned around and gave emmett the book back.

"happy now are we."

before I walked away I felt ever growing excitement from emmett. He was up to something stupid and thoughtless again.

"what are you planning?"

"Oh jazzie please?! Please, please, please can we go to Scotland and hunt for a haggis?!"

didn't see that coming.

*********

**Emmett's P.O.V**

haha. I wanted so badly for this plane ride to end so I could finally hunt me down some haggis! Yeah, after much persuasion of Jasper and torture of Alice it was decided that it would be best if I took some time out of the house. Of my No.1 bro was here with me too. He said he wanted to escape alices' shopping spree but deep down I know he wants to see a real live haggis.

Finally the plane had stopped. I wasted no time getting off it and about 25 mins later we had our backpacks and were running to Scotland, of course we were careful not to get caught- that would've been bad.

We were way way up in the hilly deserted parts of scotland now so jasper decided we should stop for a moment. We were all ready and kitted out with the latest hunting gear. I had the matching clothes too! Jasper however took a great dislike in wearing the clothes and was only doing so because alice had seen a vision of us in unco-ordinated outfits.

After jasper had giving me a quick run through of how to handle a shooting gun properly ( honestly he could trust me) we set off like adventurers in the wild unsure of our future and trying to make our fortune. I told jasper this and he only told me to shush.

Those haggises better watch out 'cause a little dose of Emmett was coming their way.

******

3 hours later we trudged to the nearest inn and set ourselves down at the bar. Of course this wasn't without reminders from Jasper that we couldn't drink, but now I was a hunter and hunters hunted things in a manly fashion and then when they had enough of hunting they drank until they got thrown out of the bar in a manly fashion.

I had explained all of this to jasper and he sighed and then decided to join in with me. Our hunting had brought us no luck. We didn't spot one single haggis but I did see a rabbit!

We were soaked because it had started raining and then a lightening storm came along so we headed here on my superior knowledge that haggises did not like the rain.

"so boys what were you two hunting after today?" the barmaid asked us.

"we were looking for a haggis but we never found one. I was so close aswell."

The barmaid went into a bout of uncontrollable laughter. Jasper and I just stared in bewilderment waiting for her to stop.

She eventually did.

"boys by the sounds of it you're not from around here."

we shook our heads as she was trying to hold back yet more laughter.

"we live in America."

"there's something I've got to tell yer about yer haggis...

******

**no-one's P.O.V**

The other Cullens had returned from their hunting trip and alice had explained where the boys had went. This seemed to amuse Carlisle very much but the rest seemed completely bewildered as to what a haggis was. When alice told them what charlie had said they appeared happy with his answer as it made some sort of sense.

They were all gathered in the living room with edward on his piano, esme doing washing and the rest watching tv when they heard footsteps approaching.

The front door slammed open and almost immediately after a soaking wet jasper and emmett appeared in the living room, both looking utterly dark and menacing.

"how did the hunting trip go?" alice asked

almost before she could get the words out Jasper yelled so that the whole of forks probably heard them.

"THERE'S NO ****** SUCH THING AS A HAGGIS THAT GOES RUNNING AROUND THE MOUNTAINS."

emmett turned to bella.

" THE NEXT TIME WE SEE YOUR DAD WE ARE GOING TO GET HIM FOR THIS."

and with that both of them stormed upstairs. The entire room grew silent as they tried to comprehend what had just gone on when Carlisle broke out into laughter.

"I'm sorry but I knew the whole time." he managed to get out in between sobs of laughter.

Somewhere from inside the house jasper and emmett simultaneously cursed Carlisle which was followed by a string of death threats and Edward having read their minds immediately, told the rest of the family and swore to make sure that they would never live this down.

**So that's it I hoped you enjoyed it. I got my inspiration from hearing that most americans do in fact believe this. If your unsure of what haggis is google it but it is a brown substance made out of the not so great parts of a sheep. Oh and hardly any scots have haggis on a regular basis. Review please :)**


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